As I recently celebrated my 20th anniversary of teaching yoga, I had a clear experience of what growth feels like. It was tough - it broke my ego, it humbled me, and helped me discover a whole new way of working with my body.
During Chi Nei Tsang training, I learned to use my hands and body in totally new ways. In this modality, Chi or life force energy flows when muscles are relaxed. We spent time each day developing this capacity through Chi Kung exercises. For many years as a massage therapist, I have been accustomed to using muscular effort to give massage. This approach was totally new: I needed to learn how to use my hands without tension or using muscles of flexion.
We learned a technique called “floating the head” where we extend our fingers to support the cervical spine. The goal is to show the neck how much movement is possible as the head is fully held with minimal tension, allowing muscles to release around the Vagus nerve. In this workshop, I came up against the wall in my abilities. I was trying my best to learn this new method, and I wasn’t getting it. I broke down crying and had a real sense of how much was beyond my abilities and how much I could not understand.
In that moment I realized, this is what growth feels like. I had to relax and accept that this is how it feels to encounter something completely beyond my current understanding. Sometimes growth is soft and expansive, like a flower blossom opening to the sun. And other times it is uncertain and difficult, like a sprout pushing against the shell of the seed.
I kept opening my mind and relaxing my expectations as I continued training, tapping into beginners mind. Thankfully, we did so much hands-on practice that I had dozens of opportunities to float many people’s heads 😊 At one point, it clicked! A whole new way of being had opened up. I could now do what was once beyond me.
I reflect on this experience now with gratitude and awe. May I be blessed to encounter what is beyond me, and may I do so with humility and the openness to really learn and grow.
Since then, I have been floating many people’s heads in my massage sessions. I hope to float yours soon too!
