Senses Sharp Through Loss

One special experience I had in Thailand was receiving a Thai Massage with a blind masseuse. His sense of listening to the body was extraordinary, as were his technical skills. After the massage, I had significantly improved function in many areas of my body. My partner had the same experience, and these results lasted for both of us.

Because he lost this sense, this individual developed heightened abilities in the others, and directed this into an unparalleled skill with massage. It made me reflect how the losses and setbacks in my life have given me similar opportunities to cultivate other dimensions of myself.

One way my life has been shaped through loss is experiencing infertility. As I have allowed myself to grieve this over the years, I have leaned into the possibilities this life path has opened for me. I have been able to focus on my work in the healing arts and spirituality. I have creative energy to pour into music, giving birth to beauty, poetry, and inspiration.

While no one would wish for the losses that come in life, they arrive and shape us deeply. They bring powerful medicine for growth, healing, and rebirth. I invite you to take a moment for a deeper breath and reflect: how have your senses have sharpened through loss?

The Part of the World Within Our Reach

It is three weeks into my travel journey. I am so grateful for this experience. Traveling through Peninsular Malaysia, we have been on beach Islands, a mega international city (Kuala Lumpur), and now have traveled through the rainforests of Borneo to arrive at the eastern coast of the island. 

I have often commented that world travel is not a vacation. There is effort and discomfort required of us to be in a completely different culture. It gives me renewed perspective and compassion for those who are seeking refuge in our country and other countries of privilege.

Here in the town of Semporna, the beach paradise pictures on the Internet do not tell the full story. Arriving here by bus, we saw very young children begging on the streets. We bought food for some, but it is a drop in the bucket. it is clear there is tremendous poverty here.

talking with locals, we learned that there is no infrastructure for waste removal outside of city centers. So those who cannot afford private waste removal are accustomed to putting it in the ocean. When we arrived at a dive resort just outside of the town, the beach here is full of plastic trash, and there are local children playing with the trash on the shore.

It is deeply sobering how the world is consuming these beautiful places and destroying them. We took an island hopping boat yesterday for snorkeling and diving. At a lunch stop on an island, we watched a group of Chinese tourists depart leaving dozens of plastic bottles and food wrappers behind. Their tour company made no effort to collect the waste or instruct them to do so. I spent some time at the island collecting trash.

I feel conflicted to participate in tourist activities here. I’ll try scuba diving, somewhat reluctantly, for the first time tomorrow. When in Rome…

Outside of the resort (which is quite humble), we enjoy being in the local Muslim culture and supporting small businesses. Prayers broadcast on loud speakers from the local Mosques five times per day and the sense of spirituality is deeply palpable. I appreciate how alcohol is absent from their culture and a religious, family-centered lifestyle is primary. The energy is dramatically different than the tourist areas. The locals greet us warmly here and young people are eager to practice their English and socialize.

We have connected with many local young adults on this trip and see opportunities where we can support their education. I will be in touch with opportunities if you would like to join me in supporting these radiant individuals directly. For example, we met university students from Myanmar (currently in civil war) studying in Thailand. Their families struggle to pay the equivalent of $350 for one semester tuition, room and board. We would like to sponsor some of these amazing young people. 

I come back again and again to the reflection by Clarissa Pinkola Estes: “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.”
With the privilege of stretching out to travel the world, this is now within my reach. 

I return to home Colorado 2/19 and look forward to connecting with you for yoga, bodywork, and meaningful community connection 🖤

Titrating Travels

Here I am one week into my travels and how full it has been! Chi Nei Tsang training, dozens of exquisite Buddhist temples, receiving massage from blind massage therapists - I am in awe with an overflowing cup. 

An experience for me overall is stepping far outside of my comfort zone. It is humbling to be a foreigner and minority in a culture. An experience of good medicine and compassion. In one night market in Chiang Mai, I kept sitting in inappropriate places and people were shooing me around 😂

To participate as best I can takes effort. I take time to learn some basic phrases so I can greet and thank people in their language. Learning etiquette and customs of the place where I am so I can be a respectful guest here. 

This reminds me of the somatic skill, titration - taking in increments of experience outside of my comfort zone in order to increase my capacity. 

I realize I have spent the last few years recreating a safe home base for myself after big life changes - leaving a spiritual community, getting divorced, recovery from health issues. I feel a new dimension of how this home base supports me to travel and explore today.

There were times in the recent past where my physical and mental health would not have afforded me the gift of world travel. During that time, I was doing deep foundational ground work including  trauma healing, disordered eating recovery and getting on my feet financially. 

My safe home base includes my actual house as well as the rituals and rhythms I weave into my life - yoga, support groups, healing therapies, meaningful work, quality time in nature and with loved ones.


​How do you create your safe home base? 

Leaning into the Trust-Fear Axis

As we turn into the winter season, the Water element is primary. Emotions connected with this element are trust and fear, usually colored by our past experiences. I have been leaning into the trust-fear axis with embodied practices with amazing results.

Yesterday, I went on a trust walk with my partner. With arms linked, one of us would walk with eyes closed and the other would guide. I found that areas of common tension in my body became activated at first, and as I continued to trust and feel safe, these areas released in new and deep ways.

The yang water element is the Bladder. In our bodies, the Bladder meridian runs down the back of the head, spine, hips, and legs. This channel can store fear and doubt related to oneself: “Do I have what it takes to step forward in my life?”

When we stretch the back body in yoga, we access the Bladder meridian and have the opportunity to contact and release these emotions. The back body is also correlated with the past: what lies behind us. In poses like a seated forward fold or Janu Sirsasana, I have been feeling it like a trust-fall where I am both the one falling and the one catching, feeling supported by core strength, props, and the earth. This has brought me to new dimensions of release and trust in my body and my ability to let go on deeper levels.

Self-trust grows when you keep your word to yourself. This can happen in many ways, like following through on a commitment, spending quality time with yourself, or completing a project. It is a powerful medicine to offer yourself.

Put Healing on the Calendar

Whew, I have had a weekend! My mom had seizure symptoms and tests reveled she had a brain tumor, on top of her pancreatic cancer. She got in for an emergency surgery that was successful. With my nervous system processing the stress, I was so grateful I already had healing on the calendar - my appointment today with my somatic therapist.

One of my massage clients had a similar story this week. He got into a car accident with minor injuries and had his massage two days later, because he had healing on the calendar.

There are so many ways we resource ourselves: meditation, exercise, music, massage, down time with loved ones, support groups and therapy. Weaving these things into our schedule is like having a savings account that supports you in times of need. The time we spend rejuvenating our body and our soul matters. These life-giving efforts accumulate to create a reservoir we can draw from.

Offering a gentle nudge to put some of these things on your calendar. The kind of things you never regret and are always glad you did. Your future self needs it, and will thank you.

What Growth Feels Like

As I recently celebrated my 20th anniversary of teaching yoga, I had a clear experience of what growth feels like. It was tough - it broke my ego, it humbled me, and helped me discover a whole new way of working with my body.

During Chi Nei Tsang training, I learned to use my hands and body in totally new ways. In this modality, Chi or life force energy flows when muscles are relaxed. We spent time each day developing this capacity through Chi Kung exercises. For many years as a massage therapist, I have been accustomed to using muscular effort to give massage. This approach was totally new: I needed to learn how to use my hands without tension or using muscles of flexion.

We learned a technique called “floating the head” where we extend our fingers to support the cervical spine. The goal is to show the neck how much movement is possible as the head is fully held with minimal tension, allowing muscles to release around the Vagus nerve. In this workshop, I came up against the wall in my abilities. I was trying my best to learn this new method, and I wasn’t getting it. I broke down crying and had a real sense of how much was beyond my abilities and how much I could not understand.

In that moment I realized, this is what growth feels like. I had to relax and accept that this is how it feels to encounter something completely beyond my current understanding. Sometimes growth is soft and expansive, like a flower blossom opening to the sun. And other times it is uncertain and difficult, like a sprout pushing against the shell of the seed.

I kept opening my mind and relaxing my expectations as I continued training, tapping into beginners mind. Thankfully, we did so much hands-on practice that I had dozens of opportunities to float many people’s heads 😊 At one point, it clicked! A whole new way of being had opened up. I could now do what was once beyond me.

I reflect on this experience now with gratitude and awe. May I be blessed to encounter what is beyond me, and may I do so with humility and the openness to really learn and grow.

Since then, I have been floating many people’s heads in my massage sessions. I hope to float yours soon too!

Six Conditions for Healing

I am heading to California this week for Chi Nei Tsang training. This is a Taoist practice that facilitates full body healing and emotional processing through abdominal massage and chi energy movement. I am deeply inspired by the philosophy and methods of this healing modality.

The Chi Nei Tsang approach acknowledges that physical pain is easier to feel than emotional pain. Many of our ailments have an emotional component at the root. So we approach the navel area, the root of our body, to decode signs and symptoms, provide gentle and direct treatment, and allow for emotional processing so symptoms can be resolved at the root cause. This may be a gradual process as body and mind adapt to and integrate real change and thus lasting healing

Chi Nei Tsang practitioner Gilles Marin calls this Surrendering to the Cycle of Healing. In order to heal, six conditions must be met:

  1. We need to feel safe.

  2. Our mind needs to be quiet.

  3. Our emotional self needs permission and support to feel.

  4. All our feelings need to be recognized and validated to the highest degree of sacredness.

  5. Our spirit needs to give us the green light for breakthrough and change.

  6. We need to accept the changes and be supported and accepted while these changes are taking place. (From Marin’s book Five Elements, Six Conditions: A Taoist Approach to Emotional Healing, Psychology, and Internal Alchemy.)

Many aspects of the Chi Nei Tsang approach has been making its way into my practice, directly and indirectly for years. I have received this work myself, with a goal of healing digestive issues, and have been amazed at the results in my body and spirit. Stay tuned for opportunities to receive Chi Nei Tsang after my training!

Scrub and Shed Your Skin!

As a bodyworker, I am interested to see seasonal trends show up in my clients’ bodies. Here after the end of summer, I am reminded how healthy it is to deeply scrub the skin as I see sun-kissed skin ready for a fresh start.

Ayurveda sees the skin as a vital organ. By caring for our skin, we impact the lymphatic system, responsible for purification and immunity, which serves to nourish all the other tissues of the body.

There are many easy and enjoyable ways to scrub at home. Dry brushing, from extremities toward the core, boosts lymphatic circulation. I have a few skin brushes at home, one with soft natural bristles for lymphatic dry brushing and another for a firmer, more vigorous exfoliation. Another way to scrub is by making a paste of body oil with salt or sugar. I like to massage this into skin while sitting on a towel to minimize the mess. Hop in the shower or take a warm bath to rinse clean. You may also treat yourself to a spa treatment like a scrub at the Havana Korean Spa in Denver. They are scrub experts!

After a scrub, it is important to nourish and rebuild the skin with a high quality oil. Sesame oil is a traditional healing oil in Ayurveda, though any natural oil you have in your kitchen like olive or coconut will be great as well. Oil application is especially important for those of us with dry skin or a tendency for cold hands and feet, indicating a higher Vata presence in the body.

Self-massage with a nourishing oil is deeply soothing to the nervous system and supports hormonal balance. Interestingly, self-massage has many of the effects of receiving a massage from another person, like releasing endorphins, our natural pain relieving neurotransmitters, and oxytocin, a hormone generating feelings of love and belonging.

I hope you are feeling inspired to scrub and shed your skin for a fresh start inside and out! Self-care is always worth it 🖤

Fall Equinox & New Beginnings

The fall equinox is today, a time of change as summer ends and we journey into autumn. This particular equinox coincided with a new moon and solar eclipse, making this a potent time for transitions and space for new beginnings. Perhaps you are feeling these qualities in your life like many of us!

On these waves of change, I am happy to share that my dear friend Jade has just opened a new yoga studio in Boulder! All Purpose Yoga is amazing, and I am grateful to be teaching here. I am finished teaching at Nevei Kodesh and will transfer my Boulder classes to All Purpose Yoga.

Please join me for yoga this week:

And mark your calendar for a special restorative workshop Sunday October 5. Learn more here

An Esoteric Contemplation

I invite you to join me for an esoteric contemplation. In a quiet moment, deep within your soul, open to cosmic insight, find your center and ask yourself:

Why did I pick up my phone?

😁

Seriously, I have been getting tremendous insight from this practice. On one level, I find I can be lazy in the continuity of my attention. Upon opening my phone, I can lose consciousness and forget the original purpose for picking it up. In these times I will often repeat mentally the task I am intending to complete to keep me focused, strengthen my mind, and not devolve into habitual text checking or other unconscious patterns.

On another level, I have been inquiring to the underlying emotion that may compel me to engage with my phone. Am I feeling lonely, bored, or needing a mental break? And is spending time on my phone going to meet this deeper need?

I have been enjoying Josh’s insight from the Dharma Punx NYC podcast that texting and visual phone engagement are left brain activities, cut off from the holistic, creative, emotional, and intuitive part of us in the right brain. A real-time phone call or in-person interaction will be what ultimately makes me feel connected and satisfy these deeper needs. This also includes being outside and engaging with the natural world.

So the next time you drift to your phone, please join me in this esoteric contemplation. I would love to hear the insights you find!

Is it Time to Give Blood?

Heat and activity reaching a peak, the fullness of summer is upon us. As I see individuals in my practice who are dealing with excess heat symptoms - headaches, exhaustion, irritation - I remember the healing practice of giving blood. This is especially good for those who do not menstruate, which naturally releases blood each month and contributes to blood health.

In many ancient healing traditions, blood letting is a therapy that assists the body to purify, lighten, and process excess. The body responds by producing new purified blood. In our culture, we can accomplish this by giving blood, and feel good about our live-saving donation. That said, giving blood is not for everyone, like people with low body weight, low blood pressure, or issues with iron levels. It is important to check with your doctor to know if this would be healthy for you.

Expansion & Containment

The energy of summer brings an interplay of expansion and containment. Long days, travel, and events bring more opportunities for fun and social connection. At some point in the season, many of us feel burnt out and overextended.

There is a subtle art as I tune in and listen to my own capacity. The expansion is externalizing and releases pressure. Containment helps me replenish my reserves as I internalize my energy. Which is called for in this moment? I listen to the signals in body and mind, balancing along the spectrum of expansion and containment.

Intuition, Knowledge, & Healing

I often receive the kind feedback that my therapeutic massage approach is very intuitive. As I gratefully receive these comments, I am curious how much is intuition and how much is a detailed way of paying attention and applying knowledge.

Much of the work I do involves attuned listening, with my hands and my sense of intuition, informed by knowledge of anatomy and biomechanics. For example, I might hold the attachment of a muscle and press gently down its length to see where the attachment begins to soften. There are also mind-body approaches where I might ask a client if anything has been causing them stress, while feeling how their back muscles respond as they tell their story.

Applying Chinese meridian theory, I will often check in with a client if they have been experiencing an emotion that tends to be stored in a particular of the body. For example, if I find their pectorals are resisting release, this is the origin of the lung meridian, responsible for processing loss or grief. Then we may use a breathing technique to help release these emotions and areas of the body.

To me, intuition has to do with an inner knowing that is not fully explainable by data or evidence. It can be precognitive, beyond the thinking mind, similar to animal instincts. There are times in a massage treatment where I get an intuitive hit, like my own jaw lights up with sensation as I am working on someone’s upper back, and then I explore releasing the jaw to see if it helps their back.

This is all part of the science and mystery of healing. In a yoga practice or massage session, our nervous systems regulate and rebalance together, and the community aspect feeds our soul. I am grateful to engage in healing practices, spiritual growth, and heart connection with you all - thank you.

It's a Stretch

Thank you everyone who has shown up for my new yoga offerings! It means the world to me to practice with you and grow through teaching yoga.

It has been magical to see new things coming through in this new space. I have surprised myself as new teaching approaches and imagery come through me spontaneously during class. After years of practicing at one studio, a yoga student commented last week that he experienced a few significant breakthroughs during his first class at Nevei Kodesh. I also find it unique that we are practicing at a spiritual space, rather than a commercial one, and wonder at the effect this has on the experience.

I’m looking forward to continuing my classes Tues am online, and Thurs and Sat in-person at Nevei Kodesh. Lakeside yoga is also coming up Saturday June 14. Get info for these classes and sign up here.

Though it's a stretch to find a new place to practice, it is so deeply rewarding. The effort activates parts of our brains and bodies in new, positive ways. Thanks for growing with me!

Yoga Changes Again

Many of you have heard the news that the Little Yoga Studio in Boulder is closing after 14 years. I will be sharing some live music at the closing celebration Sunday May 18. 

Please join me this week for my last classes there, including the Release & Revitalize workshop Saturday 5/17.

With these changes, I will be shifting some classes online and outdoors. Beginning May 20, online classes will be Tuesday morning 9:00-10:00 and Thursday evening 5:30-6:30. Stay tuned for Lakeside Yoga details - 2nd Saturday of the month beginning in June. And more is coming…

As someone who spent many years volunteering in an ashram, I am often curious about how yoga is commodified by consumer culture. To consider yoga as a service that you buy, take, and either like or dislike, is a very limited experience of what is possible. I have experienced the deep generosity behind the transmission of yoga, giving all I have and receiving wisdom that stretched my mind and heart wide open. There is a mystery at the heart of yoga that is revealed as we practice devotedly over time. I aspire to be a vehicle for this mystery through my practice and teaching.

I am super bummed that this beautiful studio is closing. It is a special place created by a generous labor of love of many individuals, a place where many of us find true community. I know from experience that real yoga does not vanish, but it can be concealed. I am being stretched to be more adaptive and I trust that something creative, previously unimagined, and deeply needed will come from these new efforts. I look forward to creating this next level with you. With deep love and respect.

Pillars of Support

I really needed to talk to a friend today and she said she was happy she could be a pillar of support for me. What a wonderful image - pillars of support.

I first envisioned a table, and how having many legs of support would help it stand if one leg was compromised. Then I envisioned a Greek temple like the Parthenon with numerous pillars creating a magnificent structure - solid, stable, creating protection and a container for life.

It got me thinking about pillars of support in my life, the people, practices, and places that help support me. The way I structure my day, my weekly rhythms to have breaks and elements that support and nourish me. I also became interested in how I can show up more solidly for the people in my life.

Dimensions of Alignment

I have been exploring dimensions of alignment in yoga, work, and life. When I pay attention to my body, it becomes obvious when I am in or out of physical alignment. I notice how a little shift can reduce the load on my joints and bring more stability. I reflect on all the times I am less than present, and my body contorts in a way that causes strain and imbalance. When I meditate, I have been exploring how to align my awareness to the present moment, how to gather my awareness in the only place I have any agency - the here and now.

Translating to my life, I find there is a way I can be in or out of alignment in myself. This can show up as a feeling of unease if I am adapting to a person or situation that is out of alignment with my core values. I have learned about myself that feeling confused can be a way that my system expresses the experience of cognitive dissonance, like when my instincts run counter to a cultural norm that has been part of my past conditioning. These are powerful times to pause and reflect.

I remind myself to notice the moments of ease and presence where things just feel right. Sometimes the sense of being in alignment is easy to take for granted because it is so natural. I am reminded of the study on negativity bias that showed a negative thought takes under a second to be generated while a positive thought takes over 10 seconds.

How do you feel and find your alignment?

Trust & Safety

Over time, it amazes me to see my clients' bodies releasing more and more quickly in their massages. The human body responds in a distinct way when it feels safe. I often notice in-the-moment release when someone receiving massage expresses a need or wish and feels heard.

Coming for consistent yoga or massage creates a ritual of being in a healing sanctuary, like a savings account of life force energy you can tap into. I feel this quality in my meditation space: just by entering, I shift into a different state of mind that builds upon the practice I have done here in the past.

I am honored to be a practitioner that many people trust and feel safe with to support their healing. I am also happy to give referrals and help you network with other healing practitioners to find the space where your body and mind can heal.

Hard-Earned Renewal

While spring peeks around the corner, midwinter winds challenge our immunity and resilience. The spring transition is the biggest shift of the year for our bodies and the natural world. I am listening to many friends and community members who are feeling restless, unresolved, under-resourced, and under pressure.

We have found ourselves in the midst of a creative cycle, which includes breaking down and tilling the soil that used to be our foundation. The newly planted seed is under disorienting darkness and uncomfortable pressure as it becomes ripe enough to sprout. You may feel this intensity in your own inner balance, interpersonal dynamics, or local and global volatility.

This ripening is essential to the creative process; renewal and fruition are hard-earned. To honor and harmonize with this transformative cycle, Mira and I are cooking up an evening of music, connection, and community. We are sharing soul songs and healing chants to cultivate hope and resilience. Join us at this Thursday, March 13, 7-9pm at Vali Soul Sanctuary.

The Threshold of Midwinter

We have crossed the threshold of midwinter, but it's not over yet. I find I have to resource myself very intentionally to keep my spirit uplifted, including being kind to myself during days of darker emotional clouds.

I notice the tendency to freeze and solidify my mental and emotional state. So I go into my breath and senses in the present moment to thaw out and tap into the ever-shifting flow of experience. The winter is also an important time to get plenty of rest. I am also setting aside time to receive bodywork, go out to be with community in yoga classes and music events, and recharge at spas and hot springs.

There are the wonderful aspects of Hygge, the Danish concept of being simple and cozy at home in the winter. These include lighting candles, making treats, wearing snuggly clothes, and getting cozy with friends and family, often without an agenda.

Sometimes getting through the winter is very much one day at a time, and I can do that.